Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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