How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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