Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
