That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
