i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my shit smells like andre
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
