is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
