Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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