Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
