38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
