i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
