I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
