No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Floor bacon is actually really good
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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