I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
