I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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