So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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