..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
