Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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