I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
