Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
