She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
