ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize