like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
