People in love make me want to vomit
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
