like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
