Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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