but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
