How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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