Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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