my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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