i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
