I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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