yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
