Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
