so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
