its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
