Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
