All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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