You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
