she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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