Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize