god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
