A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
