I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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