he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
