I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize