Pregnant stripper...not hot.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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