I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
