I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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