Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
