and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
