Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
