but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
