HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
