Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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