They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
