i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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