Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
