i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My pussy is not your playground.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
