There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
