Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
