question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
