hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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