I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize