Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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