you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
