3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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