Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
