the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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