Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
