We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
