Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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