Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
