in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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