I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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