Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
