My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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