Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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