Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
