you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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