I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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