Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
