don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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