Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
