Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
