when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
