I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
