Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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