i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
