I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
