The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
