Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
