I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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