Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize