Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
