saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
try to milk me bitch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
