Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
