Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
