3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
