If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
