I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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