Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
