yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
should my penis look like a turkey
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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