Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
