You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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