Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do herpes really smell.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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