i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
