That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
