I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
