I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize