kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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