The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
